An Ash Wednesday Meditation

Sometime during the latter part of my undergraduate days at Wake Forest, I saw, for the first time, a person who had received the imposition of ashes on their forehead for Ash Wednesday.  It was such a remarkable moment, to me, that I can remember the place I met them – the steps from the Quad down to the parking lot beside of Reynolda Hall and Davis Residence Hall; the time of day – I was rushing to an 8 AM class in Wingate Hall; and the weather – it was cloudy and overcast and it might even have been raining.  The person I encountered was a friend, we marched together in the band, and were “brothers” in Alpha Phi Omega, a service fraternity.  I put quotation marks around “brothers” because that’s what members of APO are called, male or female, and my friend is female.  (I chose to not include her name because this is partly her story and I haven’t asked if it would be okay to identify her.)

Our hurried conversation probably began somewhat awkwardly because I did not know why she had a black cross on her forehead and I probably said something that betrayed my ignorance.  I learned that she had been to an early morning Ash Wednesday service and I was struck by the dedication and faith that would prompt a college student to rise early enough to get all the way across campus to participate in an early morning service.  That memory is forever linked to Ash Wednesday for me, especially as I have to come understand more about the significance and meaning of this day and to treasure and value its significance to my spiritual journey. 

I frequently identify myself as a recovering Southern Baptist.  I do that because I no longer identify myself primarily as a member of a denomination, but rather as a follower of Jesus.  I once placed too much emphasis on affiliation and participation in a denomination, its programs, and its politics, and missed the opportunity to experience relationship with Jesus.  That is why I am recovering.  Once I identified myself as a recovering Southern Baptist in a group that had a bit of religious diversity.  Another man in the group identified himself as a recovering Catholic as he was introducing himself.  During one of the breaks from the group’s activities, we talked for a few minutes and realized that despite our different faith affiliations, we shared many similarities in our faith walks.  Being in the process of spiritual and faith recovery as a former Southern Baptist means that I did not have an experience with Ash Wednesday or the season of Lent when I was growing up in Wilkes County.  I say that with a sense of emptiness because I think I may have missed something and sadness because I wonder if churches and followers of Jesus who don’t observe Ash Wednesday or Lent aren’t missing out on something.

I missed our church’s Ash Wednesday service tonight because I have a nagging cough and it gets activated by heat and talking.  Earlier today, I joked with one of our ministers about the cough saying that it sounds like I’ve probably smoked a pack of cigarettes daily for a long enough time to produce the ashes for tonight’s service.  If you don’t know, that isn’t how the ashes are produced.  The palm branches from Palm Sunday, traditionally, are burned to provide ashes for Ash Wednesday.  This day and the season which commences with it are likely the most meaningful and significant times for me in the course of the Christian year.  I am reminded, by the ashes, that I am dying every day.  Dust is the substance from which I was formed and it is to that same form I will one day return and I need to be reminded of that.  No matter how strong or resilient or capable I may think that I am, I am necessarily reminded that I am feeble and frail and fallible.  I also need to be reminded that I am but a temporary sojourner in this world because my eternal and lasting significance is found, not in any of the customary designations such as activity, possessions, or power and influence, but in my relationship with God in and through Christ Jesus.  Thanks be to God for this reminder. 

I think it no small coincidence that Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent fall in the dead of winter.  Winter is a time of taking away.  There is a loss of light, a loss oftentimes of being outdoors, and a taking away of things enjoyed the rest of the year.  It can be a season of rest as it is for many living creatures and things as they, in hibernation or dormancy, ready themselves for a season of new life and growth in spring.  The season of Lent is a time for me to take away or give up things symbolically and practically that leave me more able to focus on growth in my relationship with God.  In recent years, I have also begun to take on an additional spiritual practice or focus to, hopefully, foster and facilitate an increased awareness of and dependence on my faith connection to God through His Son. 

For my physical and spiritual health and well-being, I’m eliminating as much sugar as I can for Lent.  That’s a hard thing for this boy from the South.  Sugar is a part of my DNA.  My Granny’s tea was so sweet I’m sure it rewired my brain to some type of dependency.  I’m even eliminating honey from my coffee.  Do you have any idea how long it has been since I have only had coffee and some kind of cream or milk?  I even think it have been an accident even then.  I’m also modifying the way I interact with social media because the less time I spend aimlessly scrolling through Facebook means I have more time to focus on beneficial, fulfilling, and meaningful pursuits.  Who knows?!  They might even be considered a productive use of time.  The hidden benefit is that I won’t be inundated by pointless political memes that provide more irritation than they have potential for influencing my thinking about a candidate or a party.  I am again engaging in the challenge of 40 Acts through Stewardship, a ministry based in the United Kingdom.  You can learn more about them here (https://40acts.org.uk/) and it isn’t too late to take part in the challenge for day 1.  I’m also reading again The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer. 

The longer I live, the more I seek the spiritual in all things, whether it be walking our dog, sitting with a couple broken and beaten in the aftermath of betrayal of trust, or sharing a meal with a friend.  For me, many of the more spiritually meaningful experiences happen outside the walls of our church because God is out here just as much as He is in there.  This is a time that I hope to intensify my focus and increase my awareness of and attention to God in all things.  I offer Henri Nouwen’s Ash Wednesday Reflection as a closing prayer:

A Lenten Prayer

The Lenten season begins. It is a time to be with you, Lord, in a special way, a time to pray, to fast, and thus to follow you on your way to Jerusalem, to Golgotha, and to the final victory over death.

I am still so divided. I truly want to follow you, but I also want to follow my own desires and lend an ear to the voices that speak about prestige, success, pleasure, power, and influence. Help me to become deaf to these voices and more attentive to your voice, which calls me to choose the narrow road to life.

I know that Lent is going to be a very hard time for me. The choice for your way has to be made every moment of my life. I have to choose thoughts that are your thoughts, words that are your words, and actions that are your actions. There are not times or places without choices. And I know how deeply I resist choosing you.

Please, Lord, be with me at every moment and in every place. Give me the strength and the courage to live this season faithfully, so that, when Easter comes, I will be able to taste with joy the new life that you have prepared for me. 

Amen.